Friday, September 16, 2011

First IUI Cycle

Well, we did our first IUI cycle. I did all the meds, the shots and had the actual IUI this past Monday. I am 4 days into the 2ww and feel like it's been forever. I have all my hopes wrapped up in this, which is probably not good for my mental state. Rationally I know I should not expect to be pregnant after one IUI cycle but, I totally expect to be. I honestly worry about how I will deal with the news should this cycle not be successful. Will I be OK with it and be hopeful for IUI cycle #2 or will I get depressed again? WHY is this so hard??? What am I doing wrong that I can not get pregnant again? Will I get pregnant again? So many questions...

I am so ready to be pregnant again, I am so ready to be a mommy to two amazing little people. It's really hard to even think about this cycle not working and even harder to acknowledge that there have been issues in creating another child. I never thought I'd be here - taking shots and drugs to help my body cooperate - I just never pictured this happening. I just really need this to work so we can build our family... I'm not done with one!

Donovan just turned two last week and the past two years have been amazing. Watching him grow and change from a baby to a toddler has been awesome. I am loving the person he is becoming (although not a fan of the temper tantrums) and he makes me laugh on a daily basis. He is funny, caring and kind and he is everything a mother could want in a child. I KNOW he'll be a terrific big brother. I love the little man he is and love the new challenges that being a mom to a toddler bring but I really do miss aspects of the baby phase. Everyone told me how it would fly by and to cherish every moment. I didn't believe them. Gone is the little baby who liked to snuggle and sleep on my chest for hours. Now... I'm lucky to get a hug. Usually I am only getting a hug if he's hurt or sad. He'd never fall asleep on me... he won't sleep anywhere but his bed. I guess he's afraid he'll miss something.

Now I cherish all the little moments I get with my little guy. Today, after a rough fall and a BIG BUMP on the head, he fell asleep on the ride home. He was so tired that he didn't wake up when I took him out of the car seat. He snuggled into my shoulder and just continued sleeping. This never happens, EVER. I found myself almost in tears at this little priceless moment. Getting to carry my child into the house while he's sleeping is something I know I need to hold onto. Just like the baby phase, this too will go by too fast...

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