Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I should have prepared myself...

Why did I think one cycle of IUI would be all it would take? I am sure the statistics were against us.

I got the word from the doctor today - bloodwork was negative and we are not pregnant this month. I found out while I was driving the car and I was not super close to home. It was a rough drive. I tried to prepare myself and even took a home test in the morning so really, I already knew I wasn't pregnant. Somehow... it was so much harder hearing it from a doctor. As soon as I got that word all the feelings I had just came out. I've cried on and off all afternoon/evening and my dinner consisted of wine and cookies.

I think my first thought when I heard the news today was "Well, shit, even with help we can't get pregnant? What's wrong, why can't I just be a mom again?" I wonder if the fact that it took 6 shots of gonal-f to make only ONE follicle the correct size factored into this and our troubles in general. I will be 34 in December... is it age? I thought 35 was the "magic" age so to speak. Figures my body would decide to make things harder earlier.

Story. of. my. life.

I am going to try my hardest to move on tomorrow and gear up for getting my period and moving on to another cycle. I don't think it's going to be easy and I know my emotions are probably going to be all over the place. I really can't believe we have to do another month of this. I STILL can't believe we're in this spot to begin with.

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